Chapter 8
Chapter 8:
In a sterile and frigid laboratory, a tall man in a three-piece suit
stood triumphantly facing a giant control panel while a six-foot rabbit dangled
quietly in a cage over a boiling cauldron of water. After what felt like an eternity for the
trapped rabbit, the tall man began to saunter around the cauldron in
deliberate, calculated circles. “Well, well now, Easter Bunny…you know what I
am in the mood for? Rabbit stew!” chuckled
the man in the suit.
“Who are you? Why are you doing this?” cried the Easter Bunny. “What have I ever done to you?”
“What have you done to me? You have ruined my sales! Collapsed my empire!
Pushed me out of the market! Ring any bells, Mister?” screamed the man in the
suit.
“Your empire?” the Easter Bunny asked, his paws grasping the bars of the
cage as he pushed his innocent nose through his tiny prison to get a better
glimpse of his captor.
“That’s right!” shrieked the man in the suit with elated rage. His eyes
were wide with excitement and his already great stature seemed to inflate even
further with the prospect of the Easter Bunny’s untimely end. He reached into
his coat, pulled out a remote control and pointed it at a giant screen which
seemed to illuminate the entire laboratory.
As if forced to attention by some unseen fear or persuasion, all the men
and women working in various corners of the lab ceased their experiments,
repairs, chatting and cleaning to turn and look at the screen.
“As the President of PAAS, I have been humiliated by your ‘charitable’
efforts. I’ve built this plastic egg empire from the ground up, and you come
into the picture and start giving eggs
away FOR FREE!” Using a laser pointer, he showed a chart with a very steep line
dropping down, down, down. His eyes were growing wider with anger. “And for
what? To make some children happy and joyful once a year?! It’s insane!” The
President was sweating with fury. “Who cares about families and children and
fun! I’m in this business to make money! And frankly Rabbit, you’re eating into
my profits and I’m not happy about it. And when I am not happy…well let’s just
say I tend to split hares!!” sneered the President of PAAS as he looked around
the lab for approval from his employees.
An older lab technician in the corner turned his head and rolled his eyes
– the President always liked to make bunny puns when he was angry, but the old
technician had grown weary of such obvious and forced displays of humor over
the years. He reluctantly turned back to his station. Only a few more months to
retirement.
Meanwhile, the Easter Bunny, still stuck in the cage hanging above a
boiling cauldron, was growing anxious. “What about the children? What will you tell them when I am gone?” he
pleaded, gazing down at the deadly water.
“I’ll tell them what I have always told them. Forget the bunny, and give
me your money!!!” cackled the President.
The tired, old lab technician quietly set down his beaker, removed his
perfectly white PAAS lab coat and walked out. He had reached his wits end with
puns, and if the President was now starting rhyming spree in addition to bad
jokes…well, he’d just have to retire a few months early.
“Now Rabbit, it’s time to say goodbye! Lower the cage, Henderson”
squawked the President over the sound of the exit door defiantly slamming shut.
“Henderson!” screamed the President once more as he marched furiously
over to Henderson’s station. Failing enterprise or not, the President did not
like to be kept waiting and he had no patience for Henderson’s ineptitude. As
he frantically turned the corner with enough rage to plow Henderson to the
ground, the President snapped a hand on the shoulder of the man standing at
Henderson’s station. When the man turned, the President stopped dead in his
tracks.
“Bulldog!!?”
“Who did you expect? Peter
Cottontail?” quipped Bulldog leaning confidently against a control panel.
Somewhere in the parking lot, the old lab technician flinched with pain;
he could feel another rabbit pun had just entered the universe and he hurriedly
started his car’s engine to make his hopeful escape to sanity.
Before the President could quip back another painful bunny reference,
Bulldog lunged forward and knocked him square in the jaw with a powerful
uppercut. As the President’s body soared through the air, a young female
scientist who never tired of obvious animal puns and remained loyal to PAAS hit
the panic button and sent the piercing sound of an emergency alarm through the
air.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Bulldog pulled a lever next to the
cauldron and the door of the Easter Bunny’s cage opened.
“Jump!” hollered Bulldog. “Come on Jump!”
“I’m afraid to jump!” the Easter Bunny replied through clenched buck
teeth. His dark brown eyes were still fixated on the bubbling death trap
underneath him.
“How can you be afraid to jump…you’re a rabbit!” yelled Bulldog with a
chuckle. “Now jump down; we need to get
out of here.”
The Easter Bunny closed his eyes and thought of all the children who
needed him. He thought of how fun it was to sneak into houses and hide eggs all
over the living room; how much pride he felt every Spring watching children dye
eggs in colored water; and how tasty marshmallow filled chocolate bunnies are.
With all those thoughts running through his furry head, the Easter Bunny leapt
from his cage and landed safely on the floor.
“I did it! I made it!” said the Easter Bunny
“Congratulations. Now move it!” said Bulldog, gesturing the giant bunny
in the direction of the exit door that was quickly closing for emergency lock
down.
As the pair sprinted and hopped toward the door, a burly scientist jumped
on Bulldog’s back and tackled him. When the Easter Bunny stopped, and turned
toward Bulldog, Bulldog shouted from underneath the enormous man, “Don’t wait
for me, get out of here!”
The Easter Bunny hopped as quickly as he could to the door. He could hear the other PAAS employees piling
on Bulldog as he reached the door and slid under it just before it slammed shut.
As the Easter Bunny stood leaning against the door to catch his breath, he
closed his eyes in reverence and whispered, “Thanks Bulldog.”
“No problem,” grunted a burly voice behind him.
The Easter Bunny whipped around only to see Bulldog, standing right in
front of him, barely breathing hard and smiling from ear to ear. “But..but…but…”
sputtered the Bunny.
“You sound like a motor boat” replied Bulldog. “And before you ask, don’t
ask. Now let’s get out of here.” As Bulldog led the Easter Bunny down the hallway,
they stopped at a small, thin door.
“Do you have an Easter Egg?” Bulldog asked as he dug a key out of his
pocket and typed in a security code to open the door.
“What?” said the Easter Bunny with incredulity.
“An Egg. An Easter Egg. Do you
have one?” Bulldog asked once more. The
Easter Bunny reached cautiously into his green and purple vest and revealed a
brightly colored orange egg.
Bulldog snatched the egg from the Bunny, stuffed the small key inside,
and opened the door to expose an old broom closet. On the floor, next to brooms
and dustpans and mop buckets, there was a man tied up, sweaty and gagged.
Bulldog threw the orange egg at the man and it fell in his lap.
“Happy Easter, Henderson,” said Bulldog and shut the door again. “OK Bunny, let’s get out of here. I have to go help my old buddy Ernest save
Christmas.”
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