Introduction

Santa’s sleigh burned in the snow. His reindeer roamed in an open field nearby. All the gifts for all the good children around the world - burning to cinders. Santa turned on his side and gasped for air, a track of snow behind him chronicling his crawl away from the wreckage.

A black boot slammed in front of Ol’ Saint Nick’s ol’ saint face. The black boot led up to a man covered in black body armor, obscuring his eyes with black goggles.

“Well, well, well, Santa. Looks like you had yourself a little accident!” chortled The Man in Black. “Isn’t one of the first lessons in flight school to always keep an out for projectiles?”

The Man in Black pointed to his Jeep. A rocket launcher was mounted in the back.

“You never know what you might run your sleigh into up there.”

Santa cried out, “Why?! Why would you do this to me - and the children?”

Sneering, The Man in Black hissed, “Children? I don’t care about children! I care about cold, hard cash… and I am getting more than a few pretty pennies for this gig.”

“Someone… paid you to do this?” Santa felt a shock shooting down his spine. “But who would want to hurt me? And on Christmas Eve!”

The Man in Black chuckled in response. “Since this will be your last Christmas, I don’t see the harm in telling you. They’re called World Toys. They got tired of you cutting into their profits and I’m here to reverse their fortune. And, of course, enrich my own.”

Santa’s mouth fell agape. “You mean they put their annual dividends ahead of the happiness of the nice children? That’s so naughty.”

“Absolutely,” snarked The Man in Black. “Don’t care about you. Don’t care about the kids. Just the money. Can’t blame ‘em. Old men ‘n’ kids can’t pay for a 1977 Pontiac Trans Am all decked out like Burt’s from Smokey and the Bandit.” He tilted his head back and guffawed into the night.

His eyes shot open as he sensed a spark in the sky. Something amazing. Moving his goggles to his forehead in wonder, the Man in Black peered for details. Surely it wasn’t the stars, the moon, or the snow playing tricks with his perception, right?

Nope. It was a man! A man in the sky! A jolly man in a… red suit and a white beard! Perched in… a… sleigh?! Pulled by… nine… tiny reindeer, the one in the front with a boldly glowing nose. “HO HO HOOOOO!!!” echoed faintly as the famous figures dissolved into the horizon.

Oh. OH. Ohhhhhhhhhh………

The Man in Black turned to face Imposter Santa sprawled at his feet. It was the prone man’s turn to laugh now.

“What’s going on?!” yelled the mercenary, confused and mildly aroused as he experienced real fear for the first time.

Springing to his feet, Imposter Santa ripped off his beard. “SURPRISE!!”

None other than Bulldog White!

Snarling, The Man in Black stepped back and pointed his gun at Bulldog’s head. “How did you know our plan?! How’d you get the drop on us? I want answers, buddy!!”

Bulldog thought for a moment. “Hmmm… well… I got a tip from my pal Fred. He found out what you were up to and got in touch with me, so naturally I had to phone up Santa. We go back, you know,” he grinned.

“Looks like you won’t get paid after all! Hope you didn’t already put in a bid for that Trans Am.”

The Man in Black’s face contorted with rage and entitlement. He took a deep breath and cocked the hammer of his gun.

“Maybe I won’t get paid. And maybe Santa got away. But at least I have you, Bulldog White, and I can make sure you never make it to New Year’s Day!”

Bulldog ignored the tirade, instead focusing on a small remote control nestled in his left hand. “Sorry to disappoint you there. Oh, hey, fun Christmas fact for you… did you know that Rudolph isn’t the only reindeer with a glowing red nose?” He pressed a button.

A reindeer off in the distance stopped frolicking in the empty field. Its neck twisted and folded back, sparks shooting out. Before The Man in Black could fully process what to his wondering eyes did appear, a net flew out of the hole and cocooned around him. With his arms now pinned to his side and his legs stuck together, he fell with a thud onto the snowy ground.

Bulldog slipped out of his red suit, then walked over to his captive and loomed over him. “Well, buddy, I have to go now. But not to worry. You won’t freeze. Not when the police are on their way with their heated cars.”

He looked off into the distance. “I’ve got to head over to World Toys and give your ‘clients’ a little miracle from Santa. I’ll make sure to tell them you said hello.”

Poking another button on his remote, Bulldog converted his personal RudolphBot 5000 into a miniature fighter jet. He started climbing up the ladder before stopping, rummaging through a box in the cabin, and heading back toward The Man in Black. He placed a small gift - complete with jaunty bow - in front of the bound baddie.

“Merry Christmas.”