Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

The cattle were all calm now.  Pam, Jan and Shar, the Calamity sisters, dismounted their horses to take a look at the prized cattle they had just stolen. 

“Ha! That was so easy,” whistled Jan.    

“Darn tootin’! How much do you think we can get for these?” asked Shar. 

“These are some the best cattle in the land, I’m guessing 20...30 bucks a head,” said Pam.

“We’re going to be rich.”, said Jan, “easiest job we’ve done!” 

“That’s right,” smiled Shar, “with Bulldog gone, it was like taking candy from a baby.” 

All three sisters cackled and whinnied, their howls echoing off the dusty peaks miles in the distance. But their laughter was sharply interrupted by a familiar voice, “Now don’t you ladies go counting those cattle before they hatch.” 

All three sisters looked around startled and bemused. 

“Who said that?” said Shar as all three women drew their guns. 

“I did,” said the faceless voice. 

The ladies panicked and began whirring around to determine the source of the noise.  “Whoever you are come out!! NOW!!” shouted Pam as she fired her gun into the air.  

“You’re just wasting bullets,” said the voice. 

“I don’t like this,” said Jan with a tremble in her voice, “let’s get out of here!” 

“What about the cattle?” croaked Pam. 

“Forget the cattle!” Jan yelled at the top of her lungs. 

“It’s too late, you took the cattle. Now you’ll have to pay,” said the voice. 

As the ladies scoured the surrounding area for the source of the voice, one of the stolen cattle in the herd stood up on its hind legs and whipped out a gun. The three women immediately dropped their guns, and their mouths as the cow took off its head, revealing the ever-smirking face of Bulldog. 

“That’s right,” Bulldog chuckled waving his gun nonchalantly at the gob smacked women, “I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times.  Nobody steals from the Ponderosa when I’m the foreman! Now, move toward me. Slowly!”  

As they puttered to Bulldog, Jan had a brilliant idea for a diversion. She pointed to the ground with wide eyes and said, “Hey look a gold piece.” 

Unable to combat his penny-pinching reflexes, Bulldog immediately abandoned women to search for the treasure.  As Bulldog remained definitively distracted, Shar and Jan dove into the front of the wagon and Pam ducked quickly in the back.  Jan promptly whipped the horses and they all took off, leaving Bulldog behind on his hands and knees to search for a token that would never be found.

A few minutes later, Bulldog stood up to stretch his legs and looking around, realized he had been tricked! He snickered to himself, stripped off the rest of the cattle costume and took off after the wagon.  He’d cut them off at Little Joe’s Canyon, and they’d be none the wiser.

An hour or so later, resting comfortably between a rare patch of grass and a cool tree trunk, Bulldog spotted the sisters tearing through the canyon in the wagon. They’d made good time. Bulldog was impressed. He noticed a rope dragging about 20ft. behind the wagon, and as they passed to his left, Bulldog took three large steps and grabbed the end of it. Nice catch, he thought to himself, as his body flailed behind the carriage, slapping cacti and dodging tumbleweeds.

“We got trouble!” yelled Pam as she turned her head, “Bulldog is right behind us!”  

As Shar and Jan crooked their necks around to peek, Bulldog’s eyes found them, and he waved avidly.  

“Damn,” said Shar. 

“Grab the rifle,” shouted Jan, “and blow that tail off this kite!” 

Pam grabbed the rifle, fired straight at Bulldog’s hands, and he rolled to his left. She missed him by at least two feet.  Pam fired again, and this time Bulldog dodged the bullet by rolling to his other side. 

“Did you get him?” asked Shar. 

“No,” screamed Pam, “he keeps moving!” 

“Well, cut the rope then, before he pulls himself up to the wagon!”  

Pam found the knife in her boot and carefully crawled to the back of the wagon to slice away their problem. But when she finally went to cut the rope, Bulldog was gone! Only the rope remained, flapping behind the wagon in the wind.

Pam smirked and made her way nimbly up front between Shar and Jan. “Bulldog is gone,” sighed Pam, clearly relieved, “he must have fallen off. I guess he’s not as tough as everyone said he was!” 

The trio laughed all together. Shar chuckled for so long she had to turn her head just to catch her breath – it was then that she saw Bulldog’s head bouncing next to wagon. He was riding his wonder horse, Ted!  Shar grabbed Pam and Jan by the chins and turned their heads toward Bulldog. He tipped his hat genially, road past the wagon toward the other horses. 

Without Bulldog pulling on the reins, Ted slowed and paced the horses in the front. The sisters watched as Ted craned his neck toward the horse to his left. It actually looked like he was speaking to the other horse!  Afterward, Ted and Bulldog peeled off from the wagon, and immediately the horses came to an abrupt stop, propelling all three sisters from the wagon into a huge mud puddle in the middle of the trail.

The Calamity sisters sputtered and spat the dirty mud out of their mouths. 

“What happened?” said Shar.  

Jan looked up at Bulldog and asked, “Yeah, how did you do that?” 

“Well you see,” said Bulldog, “That horse on the left is Ted’s sister.  Once he told her what you ladies did, she didn’t want any part of it.”

Ted let out a giant whinny.  

“You’re right Ted,” chuckled Bulldog, “some people just have no horse sense.”


Based on a tale by: Bulldog White

Written by: Scott White

Edited by: Jordan McMillan